[ Saul's silence spoke volumes. It told her everything she didn't want to hear and confirmed what she had tried so hard to ignore. She had never told Saul she loved him, or admitted it to herself- but she realized with a slow and creeping terror that she had.
She was gripping onto the couch with painted fingers because for a moment the world felt like it was sliding. The imaginary fist gripping her heart and squeezing was making it difficult to breathe. It actually hurt, and she didn't understand why because she had never felt so wounded without bleeding. Maybe because she had never been in love, and for good reason.
Love was risky, and she remembered with each passing Tribute that caring for other people was both dangerous and painful. She had to keep her heart under lock and key, and it was difficult but after years of practice she had always kept damage to a minimum.
Then there was Katniss and Peeta and more recently Saul. He was the worst of them, because he had tried and she had let him and suddenly couldn't remember why.
When she found her voice again it took all her effort as professional escort to maintain composure. Saul had told her it was alright to be scared, but he had lied. ]
I won't insult myself further by asking who it is, just knowing is enough and also explains your earlier tardiness.
Really, I don't know why I was surprised. Men who come easily go just as fast.
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Date: 2013-09-27 09:13 pm (UTC)She was gripping onto the couch with painted fingers because for a moment the world felt like it was sliding. The imaginary fist gripping her heart and squeezing was making it difficult to breathe. It actually hurt, and she didn't understand why because she had never felt so wounded without bleeding. Maybe because she had never been in love, and for good reason.
Love was risky, and she remembered with each passing Tribute that caring for other people was both dangerous and painful. She had to keep her heart under lock and key, and it was difficult but after years of practice she had always kept damage to a minimum.
Then there was Katniss and Peeta and more recently Saul. He was the worst of them, because he had tried and she had let him and suddenly couldn't remember why.
When she found her voice again it took all her effort as professional escort to maintain composure. Saul had told her it was alright to be scared, but he had lied. ]
I won't insult myself further by asking who it is, just knowing is enough and also explains your earlier tardiness.
Really, I don't know why I was surprised. Men who come easily go just as fast.