IC Contact

[powdered]

"Hello! you have reached the voicemail of Effie Trinket. I am unavailable at present, so please leave your name and your number and I will be delighted to return your call."

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text, after arriving back home on the 19th

[5055034455]

Effie,

I'm back. I'm okay. A mind-controlled friend of mine shoved me into the United Earth — literally — at the party.

I'll come over in a little while, OK?

[powdered]

Peeta and I were able to find one another and escape, I'm glad to know you're well.

Someone stepped on the hem of my dress and it tore. What a tasteless end to a nearly tasteful night.

about 2 hours later...

[5055034455]

[Saul doesn't respond to that message, in part because he has no idea what to say other than "how terrible that must have been for you," which wouldn't be nice at all.

But even less nice than that is going to see Steph, first. And then falling asleep.

And then waking up in a panic and showing up at Effie's place past midnight.

He can already tell this is going to be a disaster, but he knocks anyway.]

Re: about 2 hours later...

[powdered]

[ Exhausted or not, Effie waits for him. Gone is the majority of her makeup and earlier styling. For anyone but Saul she may have tried to redress, but he'd already seen her wigless and racoon eyed in the morning and she was just too tired to bother.

So she sat on her couch in a silky robe and slip, her blonde hair pinned up and face shiny and bare, highlighted only by a pearly moisturizer (lip gloss and mascara didn't count, did it?).

The knock at her door was enough to wake her up from a light, troubled nap and she crept to the peephole in her slippers to check before opening. After all that had happened she was still shaken and a little scared, but seeing Saul's face she opened it immediately. ]

You are late.

[5055034455]

I know.

[The exhaustion is practically hanging off of him; his eyes are red and dark, he's completely dressed down, and his movements are a little slow.

He looks her over, but he can't quite meet her gaze.

How is she always so damn pretty?]

I fell asleep.

[powdered]

[ Her gaze softens, because she can tell he feels as bad as he looks. She ushers him into her apartment with a tsk-tsk and chiding shake of her head, peeling his jacket away from his shoulders to drape over a nearby piece of furniture. ]

I was worried. Call next time.

It's rude to keep a lady waiting, and you could have slept here.

[ She shepherds him to the worn couch she had made presentable with a few artfully pieced together floral throw blankets.]

I looked for you at the party, you know.

[5055034455]

[He'd argue that he couldn't have called because he was asleep, but that's not the real reason why he didn't call. And it was rude. And he could've.

Whose arms did he wind up in, instead?

And how the hell did any of this happen?]

Yeah, well, you wouldn't have found me. [After a moment of hesitation, he sits and runs a hand over his face. Now that his jacket's off, the bandages running the length of his forearms are visible.] After that thing showed up, Ashraf came and found me. I thought he was helping, but...

[powdered]

[ She sits on the edge of the couch beside him. Her hands start out resting in her lap, then move to rest in silent concern on top of his hand at the sight of his bandages. ]

I saw people turning on one another.

[ She looks away and up, forcing herself remain composed and not let the exhaustion and stress of the party get the best of her.

The hem of the dress is what she told herself had upset her most. It was easier and more comfortable to be upset over something silly than to really acknowledge what had happened.]

I didn't know who I could trust, so I didn't trust anyone. After I couldn't find you, I found Peeta and escaped.

[ She looks back to him with a small, tight smile. ]

I may have wrongfully accused your friend, but I couldn't be too sure, and Peeta would be the type to let a pretty blonde girl drag him away.

[5055034455]

[Saul doesn't have to ask who Effie's talking about. Maybe it's a sign, or something, that the thing Saul came here to discuss has come up so quickly — hey, yeah, speaking of Stephanie...

And yet in spite of that — or maybe because of it — he turns his hand, lacing their fingers together, and squeezes.]

The United Earth was using mind control. That's why so many people started leaving. You didn't get hurt at all, did you? No acid burns or anything?

[powdered]

[ She squeezes back. Even if he was late, it felt good not to be alone. Effie was not a woman of great action or bravery, and her nerves were not as strong as her head.

Even still she found it in her to swallow back the tightness in her throat, her smile growing a little coy with a flutter of lashes. ]

There's something to be said for high fashion. By the time I found Peeta my dress was scorched and mostly torn off, but I walked away without a scratch- just a broken nail.

[ She held up her free hand to show off the battle damage, her magenta pink significantly shorter than the rest. ]

I was thinking of trimming them anyway, before they grow out and look unsightly.

[5055034455]

[He really wishes she wouldn't smile at him like that. It makes it impossible to keep from smiling back, so he does, ducking his head a fraction.

Damn it.]

It's okay if you were scared, Eff.

[powdered]

You're right.

[ She sits up a little taller, straightening her shoulders- though still squeezing his hand and refusing to let go. ]

I was scared, but I had to find Peeta. Now that Katniss and Haymitch are gone, he is entirely my responsibility. I just couldn't forgive myself if something happened to him.

[ A soft sigh and she let her shoulders round again, looking back up to him with a more honest expression. Her eyes were more startling blue without a canvas of makeup surrounding them. ]

And I told myself if I was taken- that at least one person would come looking for me.

[5055034455]

[This is why Saul is so glad Jesse wasn't at the party. Then again, Saul never really felt he had anyone to share that responsibility with — and that's part of this whole big problem: Saul taking on too much in the name of protection and responsibility when he's really not that kind of guy.

Superhuman abilities or no, he's not a hero.

So much for trying.

He finally looks into Effie's eyes, and as soon as he does, he feels like a fly caught in a spiderweb. And since Saul's reaction to being cornered, trapped, or otherwise stuck> is to panic and let slip whatever guilt he's trying to hide, he does exactly that.]

I would've.

[If he weren't so busy also being kidnapped, that is.]

And if anything like that ever happens, I will, but — there's something we should talk about.

[powdered]

[ If there is anything honest about Saul, it's in his eyes. She often found herself looking into them or at them because he was the type of man who smiled whether he was happy or not. That was something they had in common, which wasn't very reassuring, knowing how much she had lied about to herself and others.

When he looks at her like that she feels her heart skip a bit, because she can tell something is wrong. Effie was often ignorant to the feelings of those around her, but she was sensitive at heart and often saw more than she let on.

She didn't pull away from him, though her hand might have started trembling within his. ]

What is it?

If it's not serious, it can wait until tomorrow- we're both so tired.

[5055034455]

[The temptation to say no, it's not that serious, let's wait; I'll stay here tonight is great, but he can't do that to her. If she's looking to him for the truth, that's what she's going to get. It's what she deserves, especially after —

Well, no. Saul doesn't think he was leading Effie on. That would imply that he hasn't fallen for her, if only a little bit. (More than a little bit, actually, but compared to how much space Steph occupies in his heart, it seems like only a little.

He didn't know his heart was so big. When did that happen?)

But he kind of was leading her on.

Sorta.

Technicalities.]

I should've told you this months ago, and I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you from the start. I never thought — [A pause.] I mean, I was hoping —

[No; that won't do, either.]

Have you ever been in love with two people at once?

[powdered]

[ She blinks at him. Once quickly, and then again more slowly. As if she was confirming the man sitting in front of her wasn't a stranger who had rudely stolen Saul's seat. ]

No, I can honestly say I haven't.

[ In a moment she changes, removing her hand quietly and pulling her shoulders back. Straight. Proper. Not allowing herself any ease in his presence, acting like the person sitting in front of her was a stranger and not the man she had cried on and shared a bed with. ]

[5055034455]

[At least she didn't slap him. That's something.

For now, anyway.

His hand closes around the space where hers was and then he pulls back, too, though his posture is the opposite of hers: he's a little slouched and entirely unguarded. Silent, too, because he doesn't know what else to say, where to begin — or if he even should.

He doesn't want her to know it's Stephanie, and he'd rather leave out the detail where he knew about this months ago and tried to ignore it in favor of building something with Effie.

That was so remarkably stupid.]

[powdered]

[ Saul's silence spoke volumes. It told her everything she didn't want to hear and confirmed what she had tried so hard to ignore. She had never told Saul she loved him, or admitted it to herself- but she realized with a slow and creeping terror that she had.

She was gripping onto the couch with painted fingers because for a moment the world felt like it was sliding. The imaginary fist gripping her heart and squeezing was making it difficult to breathe. It actually hurt, and she didn't understand why because she had never felt so wounded without bleeding. Maybe because she had never been in love, and for good reason.

Love was risky, and she remembered with each passing Tribute that caring for other people was both dangerous and painful. She had to keep her heart under lock and key, and it was difficult but after years of practice she had always kept damage to a minimum.

Then there was Katniss and Peeta and more recently Saul. He was the worst of them, because he had tried and she had let him and suddenly couldn't remember why.

When she found her voice again it took all her effort as professional escort to maintain composure. Saul had told her it was alright to be scared, but he had lied. ]

I won't insult myself further by asking who it is, just knowing is enough and also explains your earlier tardiness.

Really, I don't know why I was surprised. Men who come easily go just as fast.

[5055034455]

[There's no use lying about that, either. He doesn't know why he thought she was stupid enough to not pick up on what have probably been a thousand unconscious hints that this wasn't going to work out — she may come off as flighty and naive, but he was so wrong to underestimate her and to think that she was shallow enough that she might not fall for him.

Really, he should just go and let her think whatever she likes about him, but he can't.

Because she's wrong about a few things, too.]

Easily? You think this is easy for me?

[powdered]

Oh, I do.

Saul Goodman, we are having this conversation because there is someone else you care about more than me, and obviously want to be with more.

When all this is over, you are going to her. You will cry on her shoulder. She will comfort you, and you will tell yourself that it was hard but you made the right decision. You're not losing anything you didn't willingly give away.

[ Effie wouldn't directly tell him how much pain she was in. He already taken advantage of her vulnerability, she wouldn't make the same mistake twice. This situation only existed because she had been foolish enough to trust him.

Suddenly she was angry she hadn't worn makeup or done her hair, dressed herself to the nines so that it didn't feel like so much of her was visible to him. ]

I hope you're happy together, or you'll have caused all this mess for nothing. How embarrassing for both of us.

[5055034455]

[If he weren't suddenly so keen on covering his own ass and keeping the details of this whole mess on the down low, what Effie just said would have made him laugh. Yeah, he's gonna go running to Steph as soon as this is all over, and everything will be sunshine and rainbows.

Instead, it's the bitterness that shines through, and Saul rolls his eyes.]

I'm saying what I'm saying because I don't think it's fair to you. I should've realized that sooner. But what I mean isn't this, this conversation we're having — I mean all of this, from the being here at all to the falling in love and actually having someone love me back.

[Two people, actually.

He huffs a breath out of his nose and looks off to the side.]

That's the part that's not easy. So don't try to act like this means I never cared about you — I do. A lot. Whether you believe me or not is up to you, but you're not doing anyone any favors by convincing yourself otherwise.

[powdered]

I'm terribly sorry this is all so difficult for you, Saul.

How selfish of me to not think of your feelings.

[ She narrows her eyes at him, arms folding protectively across her chest.

She didn't want to hear his explanations or excuses. More than anything she just wanted him to leave so she could recover from the shock and just let herself cry.

The expression on her pale face said what she didn't, her gaze cool and detached. Men like Saul could accuse her of being self-centred all they wanted, but the truth was that if Effie didn't look out for herself no one else would.

At least in the Capitol there was no question that people didn't trust one another, people admired and desired love but no one was really expected to engage in such reckless behaviour when secrets and unpatriotic sympathies could have you killed.

True love belonged in fairy tales and dreams, she had been a fool to believe it. ]

It doesn't matter how you feel, or I feel- you've obviously made your decision.

I don't know what more you want from me, but if that's all you've come here to say... you may go.

[5055034455]

[This is not a conversation he wants to have. Not now, not ever, and especially not with her.

He doesn't think he should be angry about any of this. That's her territory right now, but he is; he's pissed off that she's apparently brushed off the part where he said he's in love with her, too. Doesn't that count for anything?]

I never said anything about a decision!

[Saul knows he doesn't have to say anything, though. He knows how obvious it is. What he doesn't know is why he's pushing this.]

[powdered]

[ That takes her off-guard and she looks startled for a moment, eyes slightly wide and pink lips parted. When she looks at him again there is still anger and hurt in her eyes, but combined with something even more volatile and dangerous- hope.

Effie had immediately assumed that his admission had also been their closure, would he have told her otherwise? ]

Then what is it, Saul?

Did you simply come here to tell me you're in love with two women, and don't plan on choosing either one... or did you come to apologize, and stay the night?

[ She was offering him something he likely didn't deserve, but it was better than being hurt and certainly better than being alone. Effie wasn't perfect, she had done many things in her life she had come to regret... It would be hypocritical to not accept failure or misjudgement in others. ]

[5055034455]

[It's so, so tempting to say yes. It'd be so easy. One syllable, and Effie might not hate him as much as she wanted to a few seconds ago, and neither of them would have to be alone.

But —

Saul sighs, lifts a hand to his forehead, pushes his hair back and away. He knows as surely as he's known anything that if it ever came down to it, he'd choose Stephanie every time. So really, he can say he hasn't made a decision, but that's bullshit.]

I'm sorry, Eff. I'm not being fair to you.